If You Can't Catch Them In Real Life - Stage It

Some five years after *9/11* America still dreaded (and still does and will continue to dread) some new terrorist attack from Al Qaida...

The wrestling circus, always keen on being relevant and au goût du jour if it can be in a cheap thrill kind of way, decided to introduce a couple of Islamic wrestlers just then, to vastly capitalize on the fear of terrorism newly instilled in America while carefully threading on new territory with such a delicate subject...

And so was born Muhammad Assan (he had to be named after the Prophet, of course) who, together with his faithful manager (I forget the latter's name) would represent the "angry Islamic American" perceived differently ever since the tragic events of *9/11*.

Assan (why wasn't it Hassan, I wonder...) and his acolyte were basically doing the same schtick that made ol' Iron Sheik and his Russian buddy, Nikolai Volkoff, famous back in the early eighties. But that was cartoony wrestling action; this was political commentary; an attempt at that, anyway... The first lasted much longer than the second, as political climates evolved or endured... With such a constant atmosphere (which prompted President Barack Obama to state clearly that America was not at war with Islam; only with the threat of terrorism. With a name like that, Obama cannot be too much at odds with Islam, one would think; but that's another story...) and the psychosis that it develops on some psyches, *rasslin* or rather "sports entertainment" quite simply had to back off and cut it out.

Muhammad Assan was never seen again - his acolyte continued on, for a time, as a singles competitor, and then promptly vanished from sight as well. They were either unceremoniously released from their contracts or reassigned to the minor league OVW, to carry on as masked wonders of the ring, anonymous once again...

Such is the nature of the sports entertainment beast: a leviathan of sorts it may be, but one that balks down at the slightest sign of controversy that could hurt it at pay-per-view buy rates and house shows, where it truly makes its money.

Ironic, in the light of all this, that Muhammad Assan's last big moment was on the self-proclaimed biggest pay-per-view event of all, Wrestlemania (the 21st edition of it, for precision's sake) opposite the biggest American so-called "hero" that this kind of fare has ever generated: Hulk Hogan. (Heck, Terry Bollea has even portrayed this damn character under a mask too: rechristened for the occasion as "Mr. America" - so that does say it all, does it not... Search YouTube for that priceless evidence as well, why don't you now!)

All that poor taste was truly overdoing it. It was pushing it too far - into the absurd and too obvious as well - but what can we say: such is America's style. And more particularly, the style of one Vince Kennedy McMahon, head of WWE Entertainment - but that is another disgusting story in and by itself too...

Muhammaed Assan versus Hulk Hogan was the result of that; what was so 'different' about it and the days when Iron Sheik was constantly overpowered by the very same Hulkamaniac, I ask you? Not much at all, indeed...

Meanwhile, America's "war on terror" continues - and the elusive Osama Bin Laden remains at large,,, presumably...

If not Hulk, maybe they should put another all-American, true American on the case and get the job done within less than two hours: Chuck can go for it, perhaps?

(...)

And to think that all this came to mind after seeing Hogan -along with Jarrett, Styles, Hardy and Flair, of all people- take over the sad premises that house TNA - in such a sickening way as to remind us all of the myriad reasons why we all hate McMahon with such a stomach-turning desire to vomitar...!


As the older dude says, 'nuff said!

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Pat and K.O.

What could be even worse than Keith Olbermann's regular hate-mongering rants on television - maybe Pat Sajak's reflective anger over the past?

Pat seems to be tired of being the "forgotten one-time late night talk show host" (sort of late night TV's equivalent of George Lazenby in the 007 universe!) and so now he vies for some sort of renewed fame and credentials as "the man" who injected some form of viral poison onto the airwaves of cable news TV - when he gave old K.O. his first chance at an initial salvo!

Of course, Pat is not exactly a very humble dude (somewhat hard to grasp why, given that he has not been successful at all independently from Wheel of Fortune and Vanna White...!) as he claims on his website, tongue firmly in-cheek (I hope) that his is the best site of all. His website is the center of the universe or something like that, verily...! Sure...

And, of course, K.O. is making waves now as his self-proclaimed mentor never could have (not with his meek, some would say gentle, amicable persona and on-air style - but that is besides the point right now, surely!)

For K.O. is, save for one or two rivals for the title, the undisputed "doberman of the airwaves" right now: I myself like to call him "Keith Dobermann" all the time, or "K.O." for short (usually, though, the only person he administers the K.O. to are himself and his network execs, perhaps - as ratings dip after each foot-in-the-mouth controversial moment he generates - but that is another story too!)

K.O. looks more victim than aggressor indeed, paradoxically enough, as one can see right here:

Now, Pat Sajak, famous game show host and one-time talk-show host, was told to be sad and somewhat dejected, even, over the fact that he is responsible for having given the self-made dobermann of the news realm his first start in broadcast TV, lo, those many years ago...

Random observers (like those commenters and bloggers on dimewars.com - just click on the picture above) were quick to point out that this was probably deflected anger - since Pat has many other far more suitable targets to go at it with. Like network TV - CBS to name it - and the way they dropped him quicker than 1-2-3 when his talk show failed miserably to gain even a fifth of Leno's and Letterman's audiences... (And it is even more pathetic now than it ever was before in the light of the accomplishments of the likes of Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Comelatelies -meaning every other try-out host at Later or Late, Late Night...! But those are other stories, too...)

Yet, that was many years ago - right.
Pat is way past that now - sure.

One particularly vicious commenter targeted Sajak's HAIR, going as far as saying Pat was a "fashion emergency" ultimately! Granted, Pat has not changed his hairstyle in over... 30 years, perhaps. He has found something he is comfortable with and sticks with it, that is all there is to it. He is serene in that follicular lethargy that he is immersed in and none should criticize the man for it, though it may be extremely tempting to do so, surely. The fact is, in the field that he is stuck in for the rest of his "career" (game show hosting) there are not many choices of looks that one can go for... And aside from the short (very much so) break from game show hosting chores that he had, when he did have that talk-show on CBS' fledgling late night grid, the man never had a single chance to branch out for any significant amount of time - enough time indeed for, maybe, sporting a new look! He played it safe and stuck with what he knew worked best for him and was more widely acceptable in all of media: it is not his fault the hairstyle and clothes that go with it are like something out of a 1980 time warp!

Cut him some slack; heck, cut him some Sajak slack!

The hairstyle bit should not even be discussed, truly - for it is an old topic, at least thirty years-old, as previously mentioned...!

But the fact of the matter is... Sajak may deserve it after all. Because his Olbermann comment comes in the wake of very old news too indeed: the time he gave old K.O. his first break into broadcast media, way back in the late eighties or something!

Thus, perhaps old man Pat gets what he perennially deserves from his "fans" when they knock on his hairstyle or lack of charisma or something...!

Me, I think both men here deserve only one sort of put-down, on a regular basis: for their evidently low I.Q. and their lack of tact on or off the air, whatever the case may apply to each...!

Forget the Wheel of Fortune, buds: The Wheel In The Sky Keeps On Turning - as one famous luso-descent artist sang so well way before *both* of your "careers" got started! And your vain attempts at holding on to a niche for yourselves will not mean much in the Final Broadcast - LIVE from the true center of the universe!

;)

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