Twit Heads

Twit Heads, Twit Heads 

Hocus-Pocus Feed Heads 

Twit Heads, Twit Heads 

Follow Them NOW! 

Sing this repeatedly, tongue-firmly-in-cheek, to the tune of the immortal classic Fish Heads tune - and you will do just fine, methinks... At least, doing so will keep you from logging on to Twitter and endlessly retweeting like crazy parrots, ad nauseam, everything and anything that might hit a nerve or fly your fancy, all the while you follow zillions of unknowns (some well-known, some just better-known-than-the-average-dude, some not-at-all-known and some better-left-unknown - all of whom are, in truth and fact, totally unknown to you) like a numb-skulled vegetative piece of... sheep! 

Numbers and stats have been issued recently - and they are all appalling. 

Statistics show that the average regular user of Twitter spends four to five hours per day on the site, with some lunatics going as high as twelve of their awaken hours per day on the darn thing! Despite the fact that even the co-founder of Twitter himself stated that it was unhealthy to do so, it was estimated that 1.13% of Twitter users would tweet and retweet more than 10 times a day. That was back in 2009. That figure has increased exponentially - along with the increase of accounts on the site. Likewise, if about 85% of those who already had an account with Twitter would tweet only once a day back then, the tendency to stay logged in and read other people's tweets has grown exponentially too: the result is a lot of retweeting, so much so that the once-impressive figure of 85% has got to be down to about 25% now. Twitter is very similar to Facebook in many ways: you can share your thoughts, in words and in images too. The only difference is that you have to show restraint on Twitter: it has to be short and concise. The original aim was to force users to be witty and clever - the end result is the proliferation of the abbreviations that deform (mostly) the English language: the likes of WTF, ROTFLMBO and the overuse of the number sign (#) rechristened as a "hash tag" for the futile chase to be famed through the volatile and ephemeral to the utmost moment when one of your incoherent thoughts in writ might become popular and be caught "trending" in your country, on your continent, in your area or, Heaven Forbid, around the whole wide world (web)...! Personally, I would have gone with the ampersand (&) or my all-time fave: the suspension points (...)

Many industries have recognized the immense potential of this as a tool to generate a buzz, easy (for free) publicity for their stuff and, ultimately, more revenue for themselves. Twitter users are more engaged with music - both online and offline - than their non-tweeting counterparts too: which is an encouraging thing for the music industry in general, but not truly indicative of potential increase in sales figures, or decrease of music piracy.

The top ten TWITS list reads as follows:

1st and on top of the heap is Lady Gaga - 

she has 26,451461 monstruous followers at last count...!

Justin Bieber is a close 2nd with 24,241 313 groupies

Katy Perry comes in 3rd, with 22,360 947 fanaticos 

Rihanna is close at 4th with 21,707 581 gangstas and Dreke wannabees

Britney Spears (hanging tough with 18,200 335 twits!)

Barack Obama appears at 6th place: 17,104 224 cronies

Shakira has a 7th place with 16,885 349 loco fanaticos of her own

Taylor Swift barely has 15,790 310 potential stalkers, in comparison

while Kim Kardashian's got 15,180 833 options...

Totally absent from this top twit list are several BIG NAMES, of course: Nelly Furtado, Eminem, 50 Cent, the sempiternal Mad-Onna, the living dead celebs such as Tupac, Elvis and the like - and many, many more that, perhaps, haven't got quite the hang of this thing yet - if not narrow a clue.

And not only would I be remiss if I forgot to mention Kanye West - I would risk being shot too!

YouTube ranks 10th, with a paltry 14,116 307 followers

No data was available for Facebook - or Twitter itself. 

Hey - why stop there? I wonder if the archaic MySpace has any followers LEFT out there? Hmm, forget that, on second thought: what we really wonder is if they still have regular USERS left?!? 

How about Reddit, FourSquare, Google+ and other competitors of the unholy trinity formed by YouTube, Twitter and Facebook? Speaking of the "unholy trinity" (or internet's version of the axis of evil? Just tell me already if I sound too much like Donald Rumsfeld so that I can assure you that I am absolutely not him!) - before I forget again - here is a prediction fot the future of all three of them...

Basically, though, the important thing that everyone should remember 

is that it is not wise to be a follower 

- you never really know who you're following... 

And no mere mortal contemporary of ours 

in these mortal times 

deserves it either... 

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